Failure is such an interesting — and often uncomfortable — part of life.
Everyone who tries to do anything meaningful will encounter plenty of it. And yet even small failures — in work, relationships, or personal endeavours — can feel devastating. Many of us have a tendency to focus obsessively on the 1% that went wrong, rather than the 99% that went right. That perception of failure can shape not only how we feel today, but the trajectory of our future actions and confidence.
As George Orwell once wrote, “a life when viewed from the inside is simply a series of defeats.” What he was getting at is that from the inside, the setbacks are what feel most vivid, most personal, and most permanent. But this doesn’t mean defeat defines us — it simply reflects how we experience challenge.
How we handle failure — or perceived failure — can make a huge difference in where our lives and careers ultimately go.
A Desert Setback: When Everything Feels Broken
The photo below was taken about halfway through a 71-day walk across one of the world’s most brutal deserts. I had already swum dangerous rivers, crossed hundreds of kilometres of enormous sand dunes, and battled heat exhaustion. But on this particular day, something happened that felt like a colossal failure.
Due to a combination of factors, I was forced off my original route and out to the edge of the desert. From where I stood, I could see no way to get back in. My carefully planned expedition — a project I had invested months preparing for — seemed broken. I felt devastated. There were tears in my eyes. I wanted to quit and go home.
On that day, I wasn’t in a place where a flip-the-switch mindset technique would have made me feel better. Turning thoughts around with a clever cognitive trick wasn’t the answer.
But there were simple, practical things I could do to get out of that moment — and they’re the same things that help many people recover from setbacks in other areas of life.
Three Practical Steps Out of Devastation
1. Reset with Rest
The first thing I did was go to bed early and get a good night’s sleep. Exhaustion — both physical and emotional — can make any setback feel worse than it really is. Sleep reset my swirling emotions and gave my body a chance to recover. The next morning, I woke up clearer, calmer, and more able to see possibilities instead of obstacles.
From a psychological standpoint, being physically drained can make negative emotions feel more intense. Rest helps regulate emotional responses, making it easier to think constructively about what comes next.
2. Reach Out to Supportive People
Second, I phoned a few of my closest friends and my wife (I had a mobile signal at the edge of the desert). I was vulnerable with them. I shared my disappointment and devastation. They didn’t fix the problem for me — but they listened, encouraged me, and reminded me that my worth wasn’t defined by a single setback. They also helped me think through possible ways forward.
Research confirms that connection with others isn’t just comforting — it’s a resilience factor. Supportive relationships help buffer emotional distress and provide perspective when we’re close to giving up.
3. Plan Small Steps Forward
Once I had rested and talked things through, I was ready to make a tentative new plan. But instead of trying to re-write the whole journey in one go, I broke the plan down into manageable steps and focused only on the next step.
This mirrors what resilience research often highlights: when faced with setback, forward movement doesn’t come from dramatic leaps but from small, consistent actions that rebuild momentum over time.
Failure Isn’t the End — It’s Part of the Path
So the expedition did go on — and I eventually finished it. It would never be the external success I had originally pictured. But it was deeply satisfying, worthwhile, and — in its own way — healing.
Looking back, the expedition didn’t “fail.” It taught me things about planning, grit, adaptation, self-compassion, and support that I couldn’t have learned any other way.
That’s a central insight in resilience research: setbacks themselves don’t determine our outcomes. What matters is how we respond, adapt, and integrate the experience into our growth.
How to Respond the Next Time You Feel Devastated
Next time you’re feeling devastated by a failure — whether it’s losing a sale, a project not going to plan, a bad decision with costly consequences, or something personal — try this:
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Reset with a good night’s sleep. Physical rest often clears emotional fog.
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Reach out and open up to people you trust. Connection isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s a resilience strategy.
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Break the path ahead into steps and focus on the next small action. You don’t need to solve everything at once.
Failure doesn’t have to define you — but how you handle it will shape your next chapter.